There’s something we’re really good at as kids, and tend to forget the moment we enter a corporate environment: influencing without authority.
Let’s be honest. As kids, we managed to get the ice cream. We got our friends to join our weird hobbies. We talked our way into just one more bedtime story. Nobody taught us how. Intuitively, we got to know the people around us, found common ground, and built trust over time.
Then we step into (mostly) hierarchical workplaces, and something shifts. We sit back, cross our arms, and quietly hand over our agency. We tell ourselves there’s nothing we can do. After all, he’s the boss, or she’s the boss.
I might be exaggerating a little. But I don’t think I’m exaggerating by much, because the truth is that there is so much we can do.
No matter our position, title or place in the hierarchy, we are always dealing with other human beings (for now, at least) with needs, goals, preferences and pain points. And that means the things that matter most for influence are within reach for all of us. We can get curious about the people we work with. We can learn to listen, ask questions that open something up, and communicate with intent.
None of this requires a promotion. It sometimes just takes a bit of time and space to practice. Arjanna van der Plas and I saw this again in July, when we worked on lateral leadership with a wonderful group. Once people remembered how much was already available to them, a lot shifted.
So maybe this is a good moment to pause and reflect. Where in your work have you been sitting back with your arms crossed, when there’s actually more within your reach than it feels?
I’ll admit I’m going to go and think about that one myself.